By — Shyamal Sinha
  Loneliness Isn’t About The Number Of People In The RoomDear Divine Parmarth family,I grew up an only child, in the Hollywood hills, with no kids as neighbors or cousins nearby. And I don’t remember ever feeling lonely once. Art projects, stained glass, a dollhouse I’d make furniture for out of match boxes, science experiments…. My hours were happily filled with no experience of loneliness. Then came fifth grade. There was a stretch that year when the girls in my class would pick someone new to hate each day. And I still remember walking in on the day it was my turn. Nobody would look at me. Nobody would speak to me. Nobody would sit with me at lunch. I’ve never forgotten sitting there alone, in the middle of that awful day. In the midst of tears dropping into my lunch, a question arose in me: Why does being alone feel so terrible right now, when it felt so wonderful yesterday? The solitude was the same, but my experience was completely different. Aloneness had felt great. Now it felt like I would just die. It took me years to understand what was actually happening. The answer has nothing to do with how many people are in the room or sitting on the bench beside you. Most of us treat loneliness like arithmetic. I feel alone, so I need more people. Go to the party. Go to the bar. Increase the numbers and your happiness will increase. But anyone who has ever felt desperately lonely in the middle of a crowded party or wedding knows the math doesn’t work. In this video, I share my experience with loneliness, what I’ve realized loneliness actually is, why our biology panics so fiercely when we feel unseen, and how our spiritual practices — fasting, night vigils, silence — were literally designed to free us from being ruled by those signals. Because here’s what I’ve learned in my 30 years in India: You are not your programming. That frantic feeling of I need someone right now is a survival mechanism from a time when being cast out of the tribe genuinely meant death. It is trying to protect you. But the problem is that the signal doesn’t know that the tiger is long gone. Our civilizations have changed MUCH faster than our biology. And once you can recognize that panic at aloneness for what it is, something really beautiful becomes possible. You can still choose relationship, still love deeply, still treasure your people — but from fullness rather than fear. And you can even choose to be alone at times, and love it without panic. I also share a simple practice at the end of the video that I would love for you to try. I think you’ll find it really powerful. Watch HERE about the day at school when no one would talk to me and the lessons I learned. The day nobody at school would look at me, and what I learned about being alone. With love and peace from the holy banks of Mother Ganga,  |
